I’m wondering if it might be time to mosey on along to a different corner of the Tumblr world…
I’m scrolling and scrolling and I enjoy Tumblr as a general rule, but I’m feeling a tad disenchanted and have toyed with shutting down the blog all together. I’ve appreciated the opportunity to meet like minded people and the chance to vomit out crap I need to say since Facebook and I are no longer friends, but I feel a bit out of place even in this big, weird, world.
I don’t know if it’s because of the way my blog has evolved or because of those I choose to follow, but I feel even less and less like those I follow. I’m not a chubby, big boobed tattooed girl. I’m not a chubby, big boobed girl. I’m not a tattooed girl. I’m not introverted and angsty. I’m not willing to show my entire body (or face.) I’m not full of zeal for any particular cause (I feel strongly about equality,) but not enough to blog about it constantly.
Maybe it’s my age. Maybe it’s that I’m for all intents and purposes, perfectly and completely ordinary. A little bigger than average, average boobs, virgin skin, good job, normal life, etc. Yeah I’m a BDSM lover and I’ve got some things that make me really, really diverse, but I just don’t fit any of the things I see on the daily here on Tumblr. The things I relate to most are the quotes about ‘being happy with who you are,” or “trusting yourself,” or “seeing your value,” etc.
I’m at a place where I do see my value. I do pretty much like who I am, even on shitty days. I can’t really complain or be angsty about anything. My physical characteristics are simply what they are. I feel like I’m in a big party with all these kids and I’m the square.
Tumblr has just become full of things I almost can’t identify with and messages like: ”let’s fuck, “want to see my cock?” “I can make you feel real good.” When did it become a place where no one cared anything about who I am as a person? Does the fact that I post porn automatically mean I want to get those messages?
So, I’m going to take some time and think about what I want this blog to be and if I want to just end it and start over, but I need to do something. Maybe follow more blogs with more diversity, I don’t know, but I think this may prompt another short hiatus, we’ll see.